John: “Hi Barry, how’s it going.”
Barry: “This farm is a mess.”
John: “Um hm. So, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”
Barry: “Well, I inherited this farm and it was a mess.”
John: “I remember there was a brushfire in the northeast corner.”
Barry: “Yes, years of neglect from the prior owner.”
John: “So what did you do about it?”
Barry: “I took a common sense approach, and covered the fire with twigs, sticks and paper.”
John: “I see.”
Barry: “Then, I took water from the healthiest crops and irrigated the least healthiest crops.”
John: “How did that work out?”
Barry: “Well, the healthier crops got weaker, and the weak crops just soaked up the water and wanted more.”
John: “So what about the farmhouse.”
Barry: “I inherited that, too.”
John: “Did you fix the roof?”
Barry: “No.”
John: “Did you right the foundation?”
Barry: “No”
John: “Why not?”
Barry: “Well, two years after I inherited the farm, the lenders made me take on a limited partner, Gopper. And Gopper refused to let me take on more debt so I could build the mansion I wanted.”
John: “But couldn’t you fix the existing structure?”
Barry: “They refused to cooperate. They didn’t want to put in solar panels, or heated floors or even a swimming pool. The dilapidated house is their fault.”
John: “Why didn’t you do all that when you had control of the farm yourself?”
Barry: “I didn’t want to take the blame if something went wrong or people didn’t like it. Why should I be responsible for building such a big mansion?”
John: “I saw that the credit rating agencies downgraded your farm and the lenders have dried up.”
Barry: “Yeah that’s because Gopper and I argued a lot. It has nothing to do with my financial health or track record. Don’t worry, this will always be a AAA-rated farm, even though it’s not.”
John: “I see. So what happened to flood the farm?”
Barry: “Well, remember when I gave a big speech in town about how no one should tell you how to store your grain or plow your field? One of my neighbors’ decided to re-grade his land, and then another guy did, and all of a sudden, my property is flooding!”
John: “Well, didn’t you help them regrade? Didn’t you give them the benefit of your farming experience?”
Barry: “Who am I to interfere with their farm? I’m not an exceptional farmer, My farm is just as bad as everyone else.”
John: “It is now.”
Barry: “Sorry?”
John: “Nothing. So what about your fence?” [Points at broken, crooked fence].
Barry: “Oh, the wolves got to it.”
John: “What did you do about that?”
Barry: “Well, the last farmer killed or trapped every wolf that tried to attack the farm. He caught them in traps, he shot them at night. He spent tons of money on wolf defenses. It was terrible. I decided that my farm was better than that. I left some food out for the poor creatures and started a wolf education society.”
John: “Really?”
Barry: “It didn’t work so well, but it was the right thing to do. But then one of the wolves got outta hand and I had to chase him back. I still haven’t caught him, but the other wolves have gotten unruly. They say its like they don’t know whether they’re welcome here or not.”
John: “So that’s how your field flooded, your house is crumbling and your farm is ruined?”
Barry: “Yeah, I just inherited this mess.”
John: “Brother, at some point, you own the farm.”