My wife and I adopted a puppy a few months ago.  As my wife works from home, she has been doing most of the training and she’s done a fantastic job.  Our dog, Sedona, at five months knows how to sit, lay down, fetch, give, bring and drop.  She never begs for food…well. That’s where I come in.  She never begged for food until last Friday.

We were having Chinese takeout Friday night and Sedona was peacefully sitting in her bed across the room. After we had eaten, the wife asked me to give her a biscuit. Thinking she meant the fried lo mein noodles, I grabbed one and handed it to the dog. Several “what did you just do”’s later and ever since, we realized that Sedona seemed to be silently singing her new lament:

Some–times, I get fed at the ta-ble.
Not ev’ry time, but it happened one night.
I’ll wait here, as long as I’m a-ble.
And when they feed me, I’ll know I was riiight.

With apologies to Adam Sandler (and for outing anyone)

Conservatism is
The defense of states’ rights,
Instead of one massive federal program,
We want our tax bill to be light!

When you feel like the only kid in town
Who’s in the G-O-P;
Here’s a list of celebrity Neocons,
Just like you and me…

Frasier’s Kelsey Grammar
Is a red-state voter,
So is Paul Sorvino, Pat Sajak
and rich kid Ricky Schroeder.

Guess who supports Bush’s tax cuts
And thinks Code Pink is scary?
Catherine Bell from JAG
And San Francisco’s Dirty Harry!

Tom Selleck is a Conservative,
Heather Locklear is one too,
Put them both together,
And there’s nothing we can’t do!

You don’t need to pay high taxes,
Or turn over your beloved Glock.
You can lobby Congress with
Regis Philbin and The Rock!

[Chorus]
Pull out the superlatives,
Here come the Conservatives
Fiscal plans that’re preserve-ative
When you’re a Conservative!

Hanoi Jane Fonda [not a GOPper]
But guess who is? Easy Rider Dennis Hopper [He converted]

Guess who thinks the Democrats
Take advantage of taxpayers?
Don McLean, Meat Loaf, Bo Derek
And Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

So many Righties are in the show biz
Barbara Streisand isn’t
But I bet her accountant is.

[Chorus]
Pull out the superlatives,
Here come the Conservatives
Fiscal plans that’re preserve-ative
When you’re a Conservative!

Well, you win some and you lose some. Apparently I overestimated Hillary Clinton’s capacity to endure ostracism and campaign debts. I was certain she would not bow out, and yet she did. I will say this, though: in her “concession speech” she referred to herself a total of 108 times. She referred to Barack Obama 19 times.

Is Hillary really really endorsing Barack Obama? It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.

Do you recall, back in the heady days of inevitability, Hillary deigned to allow the peasants to pick her campaign song? Perhaps her post-campaign theme should be the Beatles, “When I’m 64.” (Hillary Clinton will be 64 in 2012). To wit:

When I get older, I’m running again
Just four years from now
Will you still be voting for me then next time?
More campaigning with blue collar swine.

If the phone rings at quarter to three
Who should answer more?
Will you still need me
Will you elect me
When I’m sixty four?

I’ll be in Denver too
And if you say the word
I will stay in view

I could pretend, mending this feud
But when the results are in
You will hear me swearing that “I told you so”
On Sunday morning political shows

I’ll stay in the Senate,
Passing the years
I will wait four more
Will you still need me
Will you elect me
When I’m sixty four?

Over the summer, we’ll hear reportage
On his Reverend Wright, I won’t disappear

For him I will campaign
But under baited breath
I’ll root for John McCain

Send me a postcard drop me a line
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely wasting away

Give me an answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me
Will you elect me
When I’m sixty four

These, in the day when heaven was falling,
The hour when earth’s foundations fled,
Followed their mercenary calling,
And took their wages, and are dead.

Their shoulders held the sky suspended;
They stood, and earth’s foundations stay;
What God abandoned, these defended,
And saved the sum of things for pay.

-A.E. Housman

After being the first person to be turned down by ABBA since Studio 54 closed its doors, Arizona Senator John McCain announced a list of top alternatives to ABBA’s “Take a Chance on Me.” The perfect song has to bridge the gap between McCain and the right wing of the Republican party. Among the songs being considered are:

• If You Can’t Be With the One You Love (Love the One You’re With)
• I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
• You Can’t Always Get What You Want
• Can’t Find a Better Man
• My Way
• What’s Love Got to Do With It

June 32, 2006
General Michael Hagee, the Commandant of the United States Marine Corps, today announced that the Marine Corps Hymn, the oldest song in the U.S. armed forces, will be rewritten. Citing complaints and mounting pressure from various political groups, the Commandant noted the new hymnal would be uplifting, inspiring and wholly appropriate for the modern, multi-cultural world.

Attacks on the Hymn began soon after the Marine Corps forced Corporal Belile to apologize to the Council for American and Islamic Relations for his song parody, Hadji Girl. The Counsel on American-Latino and Latino-American Trade and Exchange, or CALLATE, sent an open letter to the Commandant urging that reference to the battle of Chapultepec be dropped from the Hymn as it was offensive to Mexicans, Aztecs and Spanish conquistadors.

That letter was followed by a harsh rebuke from the Honorable Order of Liturgical and Infallible Earthly Religions That Have Analyzed Numerous Theological, Holy and Other Understandings, who objected to the Marine Corps’s assertion that the streets of heaven would be guarded by Marines. The group claimed that the job would be reserved for UN peacekeepers who, unlike Marines, have certainly done nothing to warrant eternal damnation.

This prompted the United Nations Human Rights Counsel to weigh in on behalf of one of its members saying that Libyan president Muammar Qaddafi was now a U.S. ally and should not be reminded of past conflicts on the shores of Tripoli.

General Hagee said the new Hymn would be developed by an outside group of politically correct entertainment specialist. When asked why it was necessary to go outside the Corps to develop a politically correct song, he responded “we don’t have any of you liberal sissies in the Corps.”

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. The USMC is seriously considering a political correctness code because some terrorist sympathizers were offended by a song parody sung by a Marine. The song is called Hadji Girl, and it’s hilarious. (See HotAir for the video).

The lyrics are:

I was out in the sands of Iraq
And we were under attack.
And I, well, I didn’t know where to go.

And the first thing I could see was
Everybody’s favorite Burger King
So I threw open the door and I hit the floor

Then suddenly to my surprise,
I looked up and I saw her eyes
And I knew it was love at first sight.

And she said
Durka Durka Mohammad Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
Hadji girl, I can’t understand what you’re saying.

And she said
Durka Durka Mohammad Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
Hadji girl, I love you anyway.

Then she said that she wanted me to see.
She wanted me to meet her family
But I, well I couldn’t figure out how to say no.
‘Cause I don’t speak Arabic.

So she took me down an old dirt trail.
And she pulled up to a side shanty
And she threw open the door and I hit the floor

Cause her brother and father shouted
Durka Durka Mohammad Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
They pulled out their AKs so I could see

And they said,
Durka Durka Mohammad Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
So I grabbed her little sister and pulled her in front of me.

As the bullets began to fly
The blood sprayed from between her eyes
And then I laughed maniacally.

Then I hid behind the TV
And I locked and loaded my M-16
And I blew those little f**kers to eternity
And I said

Durka Durka Mohammad Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
They should have known they were f**king with a Marine.

CAIR claims that this song glorifies the slaughter of innocent Muslims. This is ridiculous, first of all, consistent with the rules of engagement, the Marine only returned fire (killing the father and brother). Second, CAIR cannot be heard to object to the use of human shields as it seems to be the primary method of Muslim defense. And third, and most importantly, IT’S A JOKE.

I have had the pleasure of knowing many Marines, and I have never known one to bow to the will of any man outside his chain of command, much less the enemy. CAIR is a wholly despicable organization that denounces any American who questions the “peaceful” nature of Islam, and then sits idle and mum when one of their own behead somebody or kill innocent civilians with a truck bomb. The idea that the USMC would value their opinion is absurd. Americans don’t expect Marines to be PC any more than they expect the guard dog to sit for afternoon tea.

Please write the Commandant of the Marines and tell him what you think of Cpl. Belile’s song and the idea that Marines need to be politically correct. He can be reached at [email protected]

Not loving my job today.

Law! - huh- yeah- What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Uh-huh

Law! – huh – yeah- What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again y’all

Law! – huh – good God. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Listen to me…

Ohhh… Law! I despise, Because it means destruction’ Of social lives

Law means tears to thousands of lawyers eyes when they go off to doc review and lose they sight

I said - Law! Huh – Good God y’all - What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.

Law! Whoa, Lord. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Listen to me…

Law! It ain’t nothing but a life tanker. Law! Friend only to investment bankers.

Law! It’s an enemy to all mankind. The thought of law blows my mind.

Law has caused unrest in the younger generation, Graduation then aggitation- Who wants to lie?

Ohhh… Law – Good God Y’all. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it, Say it, Say it.

Law! Uh-huh – Yeah - Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Listen to me…

Law! It ain’t nothing to but a life tanker. Law! It’s got one friend, that’s the investment banker.

Law has shattered many a young man’s dreams. Made him unstable, bitter and mean.

Life is much to precious to spend practicing law these days. Law can’t give you a life, it can only take it away.

Law! Huh – Good God y’all. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.

Law! Whoa, Lord. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Listen to me…

Law! It ain’t nothing but a heartbreaker. Law! Friend only to the investment banker.

Peace Love and Understanding; tell me, is there no place for them today?

They say we must bill to keep our bonus, but Lord knows there’s got to be a better way…

Law! Huh – Good God y’all. What is it good for? You tell me. Say it, Say it, Say it

Law! Huh – Good God y’all. What is it good for? Stand up and shout it. Nothing!