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Archive for May, 2007

Ben Affleck Calls Kettle Black

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

Ben Affleck, former hollywood movie star and all-around smooth talker, has prophesied that “Ken Doll” Mitt Romney will be the Republican presidential nominee.  Mitt Romney, in addition to his suave good looks is also the savior of the 2002 Winter Olympics, co-founder of a multi-billion dollar private equity investment firm responsible for such horrors of... »

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Posted in Media Bias, Politics, U.S. | No Comments »

Hillary’s 5 Year Plan Revealed

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

Democratic presidential candidate and current Senator Hillary Clinton (D-Ask Me About My Home States) called today for a kinder, gentler America.  Speaking to an audience in the Live Free or Die State, Mrs. Clinton rejected the current “ownership society” as the “on your own society.”  “I prefer a ‘we’re all in it together’ society,”... »

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Posted in Business, Government, U.S. | No Comments »

Dem Party Announces New Chairman

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

After nearly 3 years with Dr. “Screaming” Howard Dean as its chairman, the Democratic Party announced today that it had found his successor: Al Michaud of Dover, New Hampshire.  Mr. Michaud made headlines recently by accosting Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney and shouting “I’m one person who will not vote for a Mormon!”  Mr.... »

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Posted in Politics, U.S. | 1 Comment »

Pelosi Sees Warming in Arctic

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Ca) returned from her trip to Greenland, certain of the effects of Global Warming™.  “We saw first hand evidence that climate change  is a reality,” she said at a press conference.  “We arrived there at 9:00 a.m., and it was just below freezing.  By noon, the temperature... »

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Posted in Fail, Global Warming™, Science, U.S. | No Comments »

Rosier Days Ahead

Friday, May 25th, 2007

The View, a television show that is apparently watched by several viewers, has announced that Rosie O’Donnell, self-proclaimed liberal messiah, has been fired.  Ms. O’Donnell, who holds dual certificates in Inglesh Grammer and Konstitushunal Law, said on her website that “When painting there is a point u must step away from the canvas as... »

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Posted in Fail, Media Bias, Name Game | No Comments »

Greed No Longer Good

Friday, May 25th, 2007

Gordon Gecko said “Greed is good.”  When it comes to private enterprise, Congress couldn’t disagree more.  Congress has passed an anti-gouging law that makes it a crime to “increase prices unreasonably,” or charge an amount that “represents a gross disparity” over what was charged over the past 30 days.  Incidentally, if you’re a gas... »

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Posted in Business, Fail, Government, Opinion, U.S. | No Comments »

Ayn Rand’s Prophecy Fulfilled

Friday, May 25th, 2007

May 25, 2011 Congress, inflamed yet again by rising gas prices, has passed the Certainty in Retail Availability and Pricing Act of 2011.  The act not only makes the loosely defined act of price gouging a capital offense, it also restricts profits of all business to “reasonable levels.”  Any business, oil or otherwise, that achieves... »

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Posted in Business, Government, Name Game, Today in History, U.S. | No Comments »

Two Americas

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

There are indeed two Americas.  There is an America that realizes we are at war, and there is an America that thinks the global war on terror is a “bumper sticker.”  There is an America where the soldier’s sacrifice is honored and mourned, and there is an America that cynically seeks political gain from... »

Posted in Opinion, Politics, U.S. | No Comments »

Global Warming™, Not Apartheid

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007

South Africa is in the midst of drastically inclement weather, but not in the way you might think.  The recent COLD snap in South Africa has broken 54 records in two days.  This after last year’s snow storms paralized much of South Africa.  Beware the fools who will blame this on Global Warming™.  Similarly, parts... »

Posted in Global Warming™, Opinion | No Comments »

iGasm Breeds Copycats

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007

British adult novelty store Ann Summers’s iGasm, which allows users to experience music on literally a different level, has spawned copycat devices.  Apple has threatened litigation over the unlicensed brand infringement, but that has not stopped computer lovers from further pushing the envelope in the personal pleasure pod market. Among competing products are: Winhos... »

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Posted in Best Of, Business, Name Game, Science | No Comments »