. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Daily Danet Broken News Ticker  Quote of the Moment: "Government is a broker in pillage, and every election is sort of an advance auction sale of stolen goods." - H. L. Mencken  Click Here for More Broken News  Royal Statistical Society: Global Warming™ hockey stick is a sham.  Obama: Bush's handling of Katrina was incompetence, but it is now understandable that future victims of terror nuke will have to wait the same 72 hours.  Ron Paul and Obama tied for 2012. Yes, that Ron Paul.  Voters: When we said anyone by Hillary, we should have been more specific.  Republican staffer and her boyfriend beaten and hospitalized for wearing Palin pins.  Physical touching over the internet. Once again, porn leads on the technology frontier.  Nanny State: ObamaCare to require employers to provide breastfeeding rooms for mothers.  Barack Obama - The president who couldn't stand upright.  Obama to businesses: Stop exploiting ignorant, out of work college kids--that is my job!  Tiger Woods has a problem with his putts; Mickelson wins Masters.  Click Here for More Broken News  Quote of the Moment: "A man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to." - Mark Twain  Daily Danet is not suitable for bear attack.  . . . . . . . .

Broken News

Friday, April 16th

Royal Statistical Society: Global Warming™ hockey stick is a sham.
Comment

Wednesday, April 14th

Obama: Bush's handling of Katrina was incompetence, but it is now understandable that future victims of terror nuke will have to wait the same 72 hours.
Comment


Ron Paul and Obama tied for 2012.  Yes, that Ron Paul.
Comment


Voters: When we said anyone by Hillary, we should have been more specific.
Comment


Republican staffer and her boyfriend beaten and hospitalized for wearing Palin pins.
Comment


Physical touching over the internet. Once again, porn leads on the technology frontier.
Comment

Tuesday, April 13th

Nanny State: ObamaCare to require employers to provide breastfeeding rooms for mothers.
Comment


Barack Obama - The president who couldn't stand upright.
Comment

Monday, April 12th

Obama to businesses: Stop exploiting ignorant, out of work college kids--that is my job!
Comment

Sunday, April 11th

Tiger Woods has a problem with his putts; Mickelson wins Masters.
Comment

Friday, April 9th

John Paul Stevens and Bart Stupak retire on same day.  Justice Stupak?
Comment

Wednesday, April 7th

Where's my ObamaMoney?!?  Shockingly, a 2,000 page bill, sold on the basis of urgent need, causes public confusion.
Comment


MSM: there are no Blacks in the tea party, except these Uncle Toms.
Comment

Tuesday, April 6th

Net neutrality as dead as U.S. nuclear weapons program.
Comment

Monday, April 5th

Toothless: Obama swears not to use nukes, even in self-defense.
Comment


Worthless: Idiotic kids destroy brand new, $500 iPad for fun.
Comment


Obama throws the opening pitch at Nationals - just like Iran it's a softball.
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Fake story meant to punish bloggers for lack of fact checking catches NYTimes instead.
Comment

Friday, April 2nd

Paging Dr. Galt, Dr. John Galt.  Urologist tells Obama supporters to go elsewhere.
Comment

Tuesday, March 30th

World sees best bang since the big one, thanks to Hadron collider in Geneva.
Comment

Monday, March 29th

Inconceivable! Those words do not mean what you think they mean. Congress gets a lesson in drafting on ObamaCare.
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More legal gun owners mean fewer violent crimes, says -- MSNBC?!?
Comment

Friday, March 26th

North Korea to Obama: Hey, enough pandering to Iran, pander to us some more!
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Dems admitting that Unicorns may be on backorder; ObamaCare not so great after all.
Comment


Experts: Be on the lookout for large-breasted bombshells at airports.
Experts: Be on the lookout for large-breasted bombshells at airports (picture unrelated).
Comment

Tuesday, March 23rd

This just in to the Weather Channel: Bloated government adds to Global Warming™.
Comment


U-238.dll caused a general protection fault: Abort, Retry or Ignore? Are you sure (click OK to shut down reactor)? Gives new meaning to blue screen of death.
Comment


Separated at Birth: KSM & Sweetums
Comment

Christmas Bomber Exposes American Homeland Security System

Monday, December 28, 2009
By Dan

Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab boarded his flight from Nigeria to Amsterdam, and then on to Detroit, Michigan, with neither a passport, luggage, nor a return ticket–he had only two things an easily detectable bomb and a devious plan to embarrass the Obama administration on a secular Friday in late December.  But Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, or Captain Clueless, as she is known in the international community (a reference, no doubt, to the the fact the she always needs fewer clues to solve a mystery), is just smarter than your average terrorist.

After years of allowing foreign nationals to cross the Arizona border into the United States, Governor Napolitano was hand-picked by President Obama to run the vast government agency charged with protecting the entire United States border and all of its domestic interests.  It can now be revealed that she has cleverly devised a system, which, as she has said, worked perfectly to ensnare Mutallab:

  • Step 1: Allow a suspected terrorist on a watch list to board a plane with easily detectable explosives strapped to himself.
  • Step 2: Hope that he is unable to detonate said explosives.  Passengers left to fend for themselves.
  • Step 3: Warn other flights within 60-90 minutes (if they have not blown up already by then–heck the Twin Towers were down in just over 100 minutes.)
  • Step 4: If Step 2 is a success (Yay-even a broke clock is right twice a day!) arrest him and repeat until we fail–be sure to go on talk shows and say how the system worked like clockwork.
  • Step 5: If Step 2 fails, get a mop and blame Bush.

Collette Aural-Dommage, a DHS spokesperson, noted that, “through this painstakingly devised scheme, we will arrest or eliminate every terrorist who attempts to blow up an airplane.”  In addition to this state of the art system, where terrorists are allowed to board flights to the U.S. and then arrested if/when they arrive (known informally as “Release, Hope and Catch), airport security screening efforts have been increased.

Luke D. Otterweih, a spokesman for the TSA, has said that all passengers will be required to “strip naked, stick a plunger up their rectum,” and vomit up any liquids they have ingested during the past 3 days.  “Except, of course,” he added, “folks on the watch list or no fly list–they go right on through.”

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