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Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton further clarified her stance on torture today. Mrs. Clinton, who last October endorsed the use of torture in “ticking timebomb” situation, yesterday contradicted herself and her husband at a Democratic debate by saying torture “cannot be American policy, period.” Her recent statement received wide applause from the left-leaning audience,... »
Prominent Democrats have expressed outrage over the now public allegations involving snipers in Iraq. The controversy surrounds U.S. Army Ranger Sniper Sgt. Evan Vela, who is accused of murdering Iraqis. Sgt. Vela has claimed that his superior officers had ordered him to use bait to smoke out terrorists and then kill them. “This is... »
Gentlemen’s Quarterly has agreed not to publish an unflattering article about the Clinton campaign. The article, scheduled to appear in the October edition of GQ, was to highlight the antagonistic and aggressive stance taken by the Clintons, as well as infighting among the staff. According to one source, the article was pulled after the... »
Bill Belichick, coach of the New England Patriots and amateur video aficionado, has inked his first endorsement deal. The promotional agreement, with “Barely Legal™ Performance Enhancement Supplements,” a “vitamin” distributor, as raised eyebrows around the league. Mr. Belichick signed the deal shortly after beating up the hapless Buffalo Bills. The Bills, stricken by injuries,... »
NASA “scientist” and media darling James Hansen, outspoken critic of the Bush Administration (who signs his paycheck) Global Warming™ advocate and conspiracy theorist, has alleged that he, James Hansen, must be “a lackey for big oil.” Mr. Hansen made the claim after it was revealed that the earlier, younger, Mr. Hansen had assisted in a... »
The International Brotherhood of Satrists and Wiseasses announced a class action law suit against the Dean of Columbia University today. The lawsuit centers around a statment made by John Coatsworth, dean of the School of International and Public Affairs, when speaking to FoxNews. Dean Coatsworth claimed that “if Hitler wanted to debate and wanted... »
Several high-ranking Republicans questioned Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton (D-Your State Here) budget calculations regarding her recently announced $110 billion healthcare “choices” plan. Under the plan, employers could opt to provide insurance to employees as they currently do, or “choose” to opt out and pay an additional federal tax. “First of all, that’s not... »
Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton (D-Your State Here) announced her plan for mandatory healthcare. Mrs. Clinton, who has dismissed allegations that her plan is a form of socialism, defended the plan as necessary. “This plan provides 3 healthcare options: you can keep what plan you have, you can opt into the congressional health plan or... »
In the wake of another finance scandal, the Clinton campaign has done some house cleaning and hired several new senior staffers. The staff shake up comes as Mrs. Clinton tries to exorcise demons conjured by her husband’s tenure in office. “The name Clinton is not exactly synonymous with ‘integrity,’” notes one commentator. “This restaffing is... »
Presidential hopeful John Edwards has purchased ad time following the President’s 9:00 p.m. address to the Nation. The President’s speech regarding Iraq has not yet been released, prompting Edwards’s opponents to wonder how the candidate intends to pre-record a rebuttal. “We thought of that,” responds Edwards campaign advisor Chan Jing-Winns. “We have recorded multiple... »
