Broken News

Friday, September 2nd

Live free or compost: New London now using Kelo family's house for storm debris.
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Five NASCAR drivers decline to meet with bitter President who clings to ideology and antipathy for people not like him.
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MSM conveniently forgets Tip O'Neil telling Reagan he couldn't address the House.
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Thursday, September 1st

Obama Rolls Out a Jobs Plan: Asks government if there's anything that is nearly shovel ready.
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James Carville is a racist.  According to MSNBC's Richard Wolffe.
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Flutie signed by Patriots.
Flutie signed by Patriots.
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Oops: Obama can do things to increase jobs, but for some reason, he has not yet done them.
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Obama wastes $535M to keep 1,100 employed for just over a year: works out to $450,000 each.
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Mentally challenged sycophant sees racism in Obama-caused scheduling dispute.
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Sugar Daddy: Obamaganda in high gear; replaces "government" with "federal family."
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Gadhafi: I’m WINNING! Hello! Announces Torpedo of Tyranny Tour.
Gadhafi: I'm WINNING! Hello! Announces Torpedo of Tyranny Tour.
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Odrama, fresh from two weeks off, sends campaign letter saying Congress is not focused on issues.
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Wednesday, August 31st

Could Obama have made it as a fighter pil...I'm sorry, I can't even type that without laughing.
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After starting a petty squabble, Odrama tries to pretend he is the bigger man.
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The one thing liberals forgot to learn in Kindergarten: The sun warms the Earth.
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Apple "loses" another unreleased iPhone. Call me crazy, but this smells like guerrilla marketing.
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Which will garner more viewers: a GOP debate or another long winded, short-specific speech by the blowhard in chief?
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California to legislate employment benefits for babysitters; to change state ID from CA to FAIL.
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Tuesday, August 30th

This. Is. Spot-rrrr! Loukanikos, the protesting dog.
This. Is. Spot-rrrrr! Loukanikos, the protesting dog.
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Some donors think Bachmann is Jewish. I wonder what Reverend Wright would say about that?
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Obama has 70% approval rating. Among Muslims. Maybe the NYTimes should ask some tougher questions.
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Monday, August 29th

Syrian protestors: We'll take the Libyan package, please.  Obama: [Crickets].
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Hurricane Irene could cost tens of billions; or a few days of federal spending.
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Beijing's population has no Hope™.  Happy to send them Obama if they cancel our debt.
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60 Minutes/Vanity Fair Poll: Republicans are more well traveled than Dems and Independents.
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Exxon workers rejoice as federal government sinks to bottom of popularity poll.
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Obama's home state paying sex offenders to babysit.  Ah, the Incompetent Hand of Government.
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Suddenly, the NY Times is interested in a presidential candidate's religion, beliefs and associates.
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New terror alert system: No Drama, Cool, Wee Weed Up, Deep Concern, Grave Concern

Wednesday, April 20, 2011
By Dan

The Obama administration announced a new terror alert system today. The new levels will be effective April 26 and will be (in decreasing order of severity)

  1. No Drama. The preferred, natural state of things.  Decisions are guarded with extreme secrecy, but the atmosphere is one of cohesion, a sense of camaraderie, and the lack of drama. Biden gets a pat on the back.
  2. Cool. Smoking habits increase, rounds of golf are more tense and Teleprompter warmed up. Biden gets the occasional icy glare.
  3. Wee-Weed Up.  Standard alert for August and September. Key metrics are demagoguery; inability to eat your waffles; irrational clinging to guns and religion.  Biden gets head slap.
  4. Deep Concern. “Long planned” family vacation taken abruptly.  Carefully worded statement drafted for circulation among stakeholders warning that both sides must show restraint, and honor our traditions of [insert tradition here].  Fundamental rights must be respected, violence avoided and open communications allowed.  Biden slapped silly, sent to war zone.
  5. Grave Concern. All 58 states put on high alert; hands extended (preferably over our head, with palms out) to those with clenched fists.  International community mobilized; clinging to guns and religion now rational.  Harshly worded statement issued regarding international norms and standards of common decency; use of violence strongly condemned.  Biden sent to undisclosed location at US Naval Observatory.

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