Mayor Ray Nagin has once again distinguished himself as America’s preeminent Mayor. After failing to follow his own advice regarding evacuation plans, and negligently causing the death of thousands of innocent residents, Mayor McChocolate has made amazing progress in revitalizing the city that sleeps with anyone.
The Mayor’s office announced today that its headquarters, pictured today at right, had been reopened. “We got most of the corpses out and that should clear up most of the smell.” When asked about how his staff would be able to work in such conditions, he noted that “Look, this is N’awlins. Nobody actually shows up for work.”
In response to accusations that the City’s clean up crews have been slow to clear the “city” of its shanties, thatched roof huts and corpses, he was clear where blame should lie. “Look, Bush hates Black people. The national guard’s been preventing the clean up.”
Mayor Hershey added, “that’s alright. You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed and it’s five years later. So let’s be fair.” Indeed, it took the City of New York just over 8 months to completely remove every piece of debris from the terrorist attacks. Mayor Cadbury Egghead’s ignorance of the distinction between clearing and rebuilding of private property was attributed by his staff to a lack of gooey goodness under his chocolatey shell.
In addition, the citizens of New York, in recognition of his ode to 9/11, have again named Mayor Nagin Putz of the Year, 2006. This is the second consecutive year the Mayor has won the title. His other laurels include “Architect of Disaster: How to Ruin a City With Incompetence;” The “Race Baiter 2006: Chocolate v. Vanilla, Why I Hate Whitey;” and the “DNC Projection Award for 2005: Why Bush Is Responsible for my Failures as a Human Being.”