Summer Doldrums Come to an End
By Dan | September 26, 2006 - 7:41 pm - Posted in Politics & Policy, Op Ed

Wow, Mike Wallace’s kid does good. I find it funny that he’s now being called a political hack for asking a question tame by 60 Minute standards. I really don’t think Chris Wallace asked a terribly tough question. Maybe he should have presented former President Haywood Jablome with a falsified memo. In either case, me thinks Clinton doth protest too much.

In other telling news, Democrats jumped on another illegally leaked memo that, for them, seemed to prove they are right about Iraq and we should cut and run. I think Bush did the right thing by releasing the entire memo, but don’t hold your breath for the NY Times to demand the appointment of an independent counsel to find the leaker. Whoever you are, you should be shot for treason.

The telling thing about their response is that the media and the left (but I repeat myself) seem to think this helps their cause. The excerpt, even as misleading as it was, only said that terrorists view Iraq as a recruiting poster. Good. Let them come. Because not too long ago, this was their recruiting poster. And we know how well that worked out.

What the left fails to understand is that terrorists are not going to like us. Ever. They will always want to kill us. Sure, American troops on the ground are going to attract attention. But so do American skyscrapers, capitol domes and subways. By picking a battle on their turf we drastically minimize the terrorists’ ability to screw up our lives at home. Nobody wants to be in harm’s way, but those brave men and women in Iraq are there to draw fire from the homeland. Democrats can’t get it. They’re still stuck on stupid.

Iraq is very much like, indeed, it is almost exactly like, putting a nice big sugar cube in the center of the kitchen. When the roaches come, you kill them there with a nice fat newspaper. You don’t wait until they’re in your morning coffee. Most Americans understand that (if only the administration would say something coherent).

The left, however, would blame the sugar cubes for creating the roaches. That is why they are so dangerous. If we pull out of Iraq before we defeat all of the terrorists there, this will be their new recruiting poster. Or this, but it won’t be in the desert.

Man bites dog
By Dan | - 11:37 am - Posted in Weather

Wow. Brilliant speech. If only the media would report on it.

Being a Lawyer
By Dan | - 9:17 am - Posted in Op Ed, Legal, Personals
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
–Matt Carmill.

This is a fair summation of the sentiment that lead me away from science. For 7 years, I studied physics, chemistry and technology. I designed and built satellites for NASA. It’s true, I did. I even built a few that function properly. But I never loved the job.

You spend a lot of time dealing with bullshit and you are constantly competing with others for government dollars. As a capitalist, I love competition, but only on an objectivist standard. Congress, regrettably, couldn’t tell its ass from its headhole, so winning a government contract is more akin to winning homecoming queen than a real competition. It’s a lot more about looking pretty and being liked than being right or even good.

So, I left science for law. To paraphrase Mr. Carmill, this is like leaving the archdiocese to become a rabbi: the money is better and celibacy is no longer mandatory, but otherwise it’s the same crap.

My grandfather was in law enforcement, and I suppose that was what lead me to the law. He was the king of black and white. Having practiced for nearly 5 years now, I have yet to see anything but shades of gray.

I suppose I always thought that what it took to be a good lawyer was the intellect to understand difficult concepts, the cleverness to invent new solutions and the persuasiveness to convince others. I was wrong.

What it takes to be a good lawyer, is an infinite capacity to deal with bullshit. Other people’s bullshit, which they gladly dump on you. Other lawyer’s bullshit, which they inherited from their clients. Volumes of catalogued, ordered, numbered bullshit from the government, usually in triplicate. And the overwhelming amount of bullshit that comes from the incessant incompetence of those around you. Documents disappearing. Email systems crashing when you can least afford a delay.

And a good lawyer is the one who never shows the client their frustration. Why? Because a good lawyer has to have a high threshold for bullshit.

I don’t.

I don’t know what path others may take, but as for me, give me liberty and no BS. I have to think about my career options, but I can’t see myself being a lawyer for much longer. Maybe I’ll be a politician. They seem to export bullshit.

IAEA Makes a Splash
By Dan | - 9:15 am - Posted in Government

If there’s a better anecdote that sums up the truth about IAEA’s competence, I’d like to hear it.

More Global Warming Propaganda
By Dan | September 22, 2006 - 7:52 am - Posted in Media & Marketing, Weather, Science

Read this article carefully. Do you see what I mean? THE OCEANS ARE GETTING COLDER, but global warming is STILL beyond dispute. “[G]lobal warming trends can sometimes take little dips?!?” You mean, like ice ages?

You are an idiot if you believe anything the media tells you about global warming.

It’s pathetic. It’s scare mongering and it’s fraud. If you believe in global warming, and you believe it’s caused by mankind, you are a complete and total moron.

Muslims Concerned Over Backlash of Tomorrow’s Papal Assassination
By Dan | September 19, 2006 - 9:12 am - Posted in Foreign Affairs

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) today issued the following statement at a news conference in Washington, D.C., in anticpation of tomorrow’s beheading of Pope Benedict XVI.

“American Muslims have consistently condemned all acts of terrorism, whether carried out by individuals, groups or states. We repudiate anyone or any group that plans or carries out a terrorist act. We welcome early actions by law enforcement authorities against credible threats to the safety of the infidel Pope.

“The American Muslim community has always been dedicated to the protection of our national security. It is also important that our fellow Americans understand that Muslims are law-abiding citizens who should not be targeted or singled out because of their faith or national origin.

“We have been contacted by federal law enforcement authorities who are taking steps to ensure that there is no backlash against the American Muslim community. We commend them for their pro- active efforts. We ask local Muslim communities to step up security measures at mosques and other Islamic institutions. We also urge local law enforcement agencies to coordinate with Muslim leaders to deter hate crimes.

“It is important, based on past counterterrorism cases that did not lead to terror convictions, that we withhold judgment until all the facts of this case come to light. We also ask public officials and commentators to avoid using stereotypical and ill-defined terminology when referring to this and similar cases.

“As the largest American Muslim civil rights and advocacy group, it is our religious and civic duty to reach out to all Americans to reaffirm Islam’s teachings of peace, justice and tolerance for all.”

CAIR, America’s largest Muslim civil liberties group, has 32 offices, chapters and affiliates nationwide and in Canada. Its mission is to enhance the understanding of Islam, encourage dialogue, protect civil liberties, empower American Muslims, and build coalitions that promote justice and mutual understanding.

New War on Drugs
By Dan | September 15, 2006 - 10:51 am - Posted in Government, Best Of, Taxes

Citing prison overcrowding and failing drug interdiction efforts, the White House announced a bold new initiative in the war on drugs. “The price of most street drugs is at an all time low. We need to change that,” noted White House spokesman, Tony Snow.

The President has therefore joined with Senator McCain and other top legislators to introduce a bill that would not only legalize marijuana and other drugs, but would regulate it. “Under this legislation, Congress will create the Drug Regulatory Commission,” the President noted in a press release. “This Commission will investigate and implement regulations on the sale and distribution of common narcotics and marijuana,” the statement notes. “By regulating an otherwise efficient market, we hope to disrupt the efficiency of that market.”

In support of this theory, experts cite such regulatory acheivements as the utilities industry, Amtrak, government housing, prescription medication and gas prices.

“We are also looking into including marijuana, poppy and coca farmers in the farm subsidies,” noted Senator McCain. “If you think wheat is jacked up on subsidies, wait till you see what it does to the rock,” he added.

States may also add a per-ounce tax. California is already considering applying its “summer blend” legislation to marijuana, heroine, cocaine and crack. “We feel we can get the street price of an ounce of Mary Jane up to $500,” noted one legislator. Another noted that “it’s just like OPEC. No matter how fast they produce the poppy seeds, the price of street horse will be held up on the supply side.”

“They’re doing what legislators do best,” says Harvard Professor of Economics, Martin Feldstein. “They’re turning Reagan’s supply-side economics on its head.”

Of course, consumers should not feel left in the cold. Although these policies are intended to have a direct impact on the price of illicit drugs, Congress is not unaware of the economic realities. “We appreciate the effect this will have on working families,” noted one legislator. “Therefore, we intend to provide drug addicts with a rebate to offset any increased cost.”

Funded by income tax dollars, of course.

1 Comment
Just So We’re Clear
By Dan | - 9:53 am - Posted in Foreign Affairs

Islam is a religion of peace.

Pentagon Announces Camp Foxtrot

The Pentagon, today, announced a new War on Terror Dentention Facility that will eventually replace Camps Delta and Echo at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The new prison will be called “Camp Foxtrot.” This announcement comes on the heels of President Bush’s announcement last week that several enemy combatants have been detained in CIA prisons in Europe.

Pentagon spokesman, Lawrence DiRita announced the new camp at a press conference yesterday. DiRita notes that, although the location has been determined and the facilities have been built, the military has deemed the location of Camp Foxtrot to be classified information. “In general, U.S. military installations are not open to the public or the press. Camps Delta and Echo enjoyed a well-meaning but misguided exception to that rule. Camp Foxtrot will not,” DiRita said.

When asked whether press and non-governmental organizations would ever be allowed to visit the camps, DiRita noted “Sure. The United States Military will even arrange transportation. Those wishing to visit Camp Foxtrot need only to be caught on the battlefield by U.S. forces.” DiRita cautioned, “Just be sure it’s the U.S. military that catches you. The rest of the world still tortures and kills terrorists.”

A well-placed source has noted that Camp Foxtrot will not be in Cuba, but in a climate more conducive to interrogation. “We’ve found that these cretins like warm weather. So the plan is to put them some place, a bit more chilly.” The provisions may also be a bit more Spartan than Guantanamo. “They can bring their copies of the Koran, but good luck reading it in 18 hours of darkness every day.”

White House spokesman, Tony Snow, was asked “What should NGO’s or foreign countries do if they are concerned about the health or well-being of the detainees.” He responded, “come and try to take them.”

Fifth Anniversary of 9/11
By Dan | September 11, 2006 - 9:02 am - Posted in Politics & Policy, Op Ed, Foreign Affairs, 9/11, Clinton

I am loathe to add another long-winded diatribe about 9/11 to the blogsphere, so I will attempt to be brief.

What have we learned in the five years since 9/11?

  • The terrorists still want to kill us.
  • They haven’t been able to.
  • The Democrats, and the Clinton’s in particular, are selfish, petty people who value appearance over substance and hypocrisy over principles.
  • They are fooling only themselves and the media.

The first point needs no further explanation, and the second is the same remarkable statistic that I have harped on each year since 9/11: zero. The number of attacks on American soil and the number of Americans killed by terrorists in Manhattan. An amazing feat, the accomplishment of which should not be tinkered with.

The third (and fourth) points have become obvious over the past few days. A film, based on the 9/11 Commission Report, has been savagely attacked by the Image is King clan of the Democratic party in the hopes that people will (1) forget that Clinton had 8 years to kill or capture Osama bin Laden and, despite thousands of American casualties, did nothing but destroy an aspirin factory and (2) accept censorship, so long as its chilling winds come from the left.  Clan Clinton has even threatened to revoke government broadcast licenses if ABC does not pull the movie.

This is the primal difference between modern Democrats and most everyone else: cowardice. Why is it that these people are so afraid? Why do they always need to rely on big government, big bullies or underhanded threats to get their way? Is it possible they know that their ideas cannot compete in a fair marketplace? Are they so confident of their failure that they need to resort to bullying?

Think about every “solution” proferred by the left and you will see the coercive hand of big brother; an appeal to a higher power to mandate that the universe give them their way:

  • Lost an election? Demand recounts until some method of counting will declare you the winner. (Results not guaranteed. See Florida and Mexico).
  • Can’t get a job? Don’t worry about improving yourself, we’ll just mandate that people hire you.
  • Can’t hold a job? Declare yourself a member of a protected class immune from the harsh judgments of reality. (Not available for straight, healthy, white men.)
  • Docudrama accurately depicts your slothenly, no-action presidency? Demand the network censor itself of face the consequences.
  • Can’t get people to believe your crazy donkey science about global warming and the environment? We’ll sue the government and get a nitwit judge to rule in our favor.
  • Can’t afford those high prices at the pump? We’ll regulate the prices, it worked for Jimmy Carter!
  • Can’t afford those pricey prescriptions? Get the government to steal from the rich to fund your healthcare.
  • Successful sports franchises dominate the league? We’ll mandate a salary cap to erase that harmful competition from the market.

The Democrats have come to represent everything I hate about the human race. They are the self-loathing, scared little creatures who, eons ago, didn’t want to venture out of the cave, lest the boogey man grab us. They are the sickening hypocrites who cry for civil liberties for terrorists, then demand that ABC not tell the truth about 9/11. They are the despicable panderers that protest against racially profiling when it is the most effective and rational means to prevent the next attack.

I no longer believe they hate the American way of life. They just lack the stones to stand up for it. I have pity on them, but I won’t regret stepping over their corpses when the revolution comes.